I'm scared of death...no I'm not...yes I am...

I read a friend's blog the other day, his grandmother passed away. My condolence to you dude. It kept me thinking, is death scary? Well to me yeah it is, it is scared tome when I think my life will be taken away from me while I am still not prepared to face the afterlife. (sembahyang, ibadat2 lain, muslims you should know this). How do we know we are fully prepared for it anyway? But what is scarier is the death of a loved one. A really close person to you. We will never ever be prepared for that....

On the friend's blog, he wrote something about people think of 'mandi jenazah' as scary. I used to think like that as well. When my grandfether passed away, I didn't wash his body. You can say I was scared, I wasn't prepared for his passing. When we went back to his house that time, i was told that my grandfather was sick. Nobody told me how serious his condition was. (I always want to keep things positive). So I guess I wasn't prepared when I saw my grandfather's lifeless body being brought back. When it comes to the 'mandi jenazah', something inside kinda fall apart, I couldn't do it. Why didn't I do it. It regrets me to this day.

Almost a year after that, another event that would change the course of my life happened. My father passed away. I wrote about it in Friendster quite a while a back. You can read it here if you want. This time I did the 'mandi jenazah'. How can I not? He's my father. Nothing scary about it. Surreal it is, looking at his face, I could swear his lips looked like a smile. The experience was very spiritual. You just can't cry while you're doing it. On his last morning alive, I didn't shake his hand when I went out to work. I mean, how could I know?. So during the 'mandi jenazah' I took special care to wash his hands, so at least I can 'bersalam' with him for the very last time. For those of you who think 'mandikan jenazah' is a scary thought. It's not. It's actually the very last physical contact you're going to have with your loved ones. It's the last time you will see their face before the body is wrapped in 'kafan'. And like the friend said in his blog, as you are cleansing the body, you are cleansing yourself too, your innerself. Memberi keinsafan.

So everyone, tell your parents you love them everyday. Make it a habit. Trust me when the time comes, and you missed the chance to tell them how much you love them. You will regret it for the rest of your life

Kiddie flicks

You know how kids always say the darndest things. Their constantly thinking mind is always asking questions. Questions that you cannot always give a straight answer. Answers that usually starts with "uhhhh well...the thing is..."

Few months back or was it more than more than a year now, who cares, my kid brother, the youngest, paling manja, the apple of everyone's eye was watching an advertisement on the 'telly' (fcuk u, I'm British). Couldn't remember which ad, but it hadsubtitles with the word 'porn star'. Then came the inevitable question. 'Mama, whar is porn star?'. Everyone grow silent. He asked again. Shit, I thought. How do we answer this without destroying this kid's innocent childhood. My mum, with her 'the truth is always the best answer' said, slowly....'It's people having sex'. Hmmm not a totally honest answer there mak. You want me to tell him what a porn star is? Ish ish ish. Then came another inevitable question, "Sex tu ape?". I can see drops of sweat started to fall from my mum's forehead. I was panicking too. No, I'm not gonna stay there hearing my mum start talking about sex. A nightmare for every child. Think fast. I grab the remote and change the channel to Nickoledeon. 'Ah, Spongebob!". Kids....the attention span of a squirrel.

Just the other day, or a few weeks back, I don't remember, who cares. We were watching an episode of The Amazing Race: All Stars. There was this team of two middle aged men. Gay men. Their relationship on the show was written as life partners. "Mama, why are they life partners?"

Before my mum coud start explaining about "You see, in this world a boy will fall in love with a girl, but sometimes a boy can fall in love with another boy....." I just rushed out of the living room. I wonder how that went...

Just the other day, or few days back, i don't remember, who cares. I was watching a DVD. Bukan porn ye. The Jack Black movie, Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny. Quite hillarious I must say. But not suitable for kids. With 'fuck' being a favourite word in the film and the use of terms such as 'cock push up'. It is when you lie face down on the floor and you try to lift your body using only your, you know what. My brother came into the room. "Cite apa?". "Ah, pegi main game tu". Kids, curious creatures they are. He decided to watch the movie with me. At the scene where Jack Black had to use his erection to push a security button in order to deacvtivate the lasers that was guarding the guitar pick made from the tooth of the Devil himself. The cock push ups sure came in handy. My brother was laughing madly at seeing that scene. After that I specifically told him not to watch this movie again. Later that evening, I found him watching the movie just by himself, laughing like a madman. He missed the first half of the movie he said....Mr. Jack Black, you are a bad influence to kids everywhere (aku x maksudkan ko Amin, ko cuma seiras Jack Black).

Kids...everything is new and exciting to them. I remember how that felt. I wonder if he ever watched porn yet? (Memang nak kena la budak ni kalo dah, advance sangat tu). The conclusion is, you should really watch what your kids are watching nowadays. Because you know, kids are such adorable creatures....until they start watching porn.

Malaysia tanah air ku

Malaysia is well known as the most corrupted nation in Asia. Essentially a tiny peninsula found to the north of their cousins who live on an even smaller island Singapore, it is a young nation of diverse cultures and races such as F1 Formula-1 and Nascar. The nation is moving foward with a vision as a collective community towards the vision of becoming a developed nation by the year 2020, 4040, 5050 or whatever catchy number. Malaysia is a nation in Southeast Asia and is made up of 13 states namely Selengor, Kedoh, Terengggganu, Kelentoh, Pahang, Penang, Malacca, Johor Balu (just north of Singkaypoh), Sabah, Sarawak (which reluctantly joined Malaysia as a state), Police, Maliuka, Berak and Nogowi. The three federal territories Kuala Laupek, Puterijaya and Labuah don't count as states since they're too small anyway, like Taiwan. Another common state that Malaysians have is denial (no lah, where got?), which incidentally, is a river in Egypt.

Malays like to listen to heavy rock, progressive rock, glam rock, punk rock, sedimentary rock, grunge rock and any Islamic rock produced by hairloss sensation Mawi. To become more technologically advanced and beat their cross-ass rivals in the South, they copy them. Initiatives like the No Slavery (NS) campaign to the External Security Actors Act (ESAA) were all originated from their neighbours. Luckily, Malaysia supplies water at a cheap fee to them so they do not sue them.

In malaysia , chinese is racist.
____________________________________________________

Owh what can I say? It's so true. I wonder what is Islamic rock by the way. Go here. Search for Mawi and Google in there. Fuckin' hillarious :)

It is better to be a fool than to be dead

Tipu aje...kehkehkeh didi gua sayang sama lu. Nisa pun. Sapa yang terkena tu tolong tengok muka sendiri kat cermin dan jerit sekuat hati "Gua kena beb!"

Sorry again. Tapi kat post tu dah terang2 tulis 1 april.
Saya berjanji saya tidak akan buat lawak keterlaluan sebegini lagi di masa akan datang.

Reminder:
Smoking kills. So kawan2 mari kita sama2 berhenti merokok. aku propose kita buat satu hari dlm seminggu kita lepak tanpa merokok. And we'll work from there. Kalau cold turkey menggigil plak kang...

What I wrote there could be true for any of us....hopefully xyah la jumpa Dr. David yang warm and friendly tu...

....I pray to you my God that everything I wrote would never come true, to me and to anyone I know....

"It is better to be a fool than to be dead"

Sorry guys...

I don't know how to say this.. I've been keeping it from everyone for quite some while... It's because I don't have the courage to tell anyone about it.. I'm struggling to accept it on my own..Three months ago...I felt a surging pain in my chest.. I've been coughing badly most of the time. My throat is constantly in pain. Breathing was such a torture I decided to just lie on the bed holding my breath, only breathing when necessarily. The pain was unbearable..

My mom was worried. She took me to SJMC. I told her it was nothing. As I get it all the time. Only that day it was a bit more painful than usual. Nothing serious. I'll just stop smoking for that day. She persisted. And so we went to the hospital. How at that moment I didn't realize my world would come crashing down...

Lung Cancer...yes. Already in critical state. The doctors there was nothing could be done to cure it. the only thing left was to make life more comfortable to me. The doctor, David was he name. Great person. Friendly and warm, he told me that I should spent my time with my family and those dear to me. How much more do I have left doctor? 18 months at most...

Silence in the room...I pushed back the tears and forced a smile. At least I would still get to see the EURO 2008 Finals. I hope..As my mom talked with the doctor outside the room, I cried alone on the bed.

Maybe the cause is too much smoking I don't know...I haven't stop smoking. What's the point? They say smoking kills you. I'm already dying. So why take the fun out of my life. What's left of it anyway.. I'm not being negative..I just want to make the most out of what time I have left with this world. My family, my friend...i want to spend the rest my days with them.To anyone who I have hurt in the part I ask for forgiveness. To anyone who have done me wrong I forgive you. Because, hey life is too short to stay angry. You may not know when you are going to leave this world. Well I do actually...when you know it is your time to go you start seeing everything in a new light. And you wished you could get back in time to change some things you have done.

I've been keeping this from everyone for so long. so my friens, my bros, korang sume...sorry..aku x berani nk berdepan dgn korg nk cakap benda ni...aku cuba untuk x fikir sangat pasal ni. sb kalau aku fikir aku xkan bole nk gelak2 dgn korang..aku xnak org sedih untuk aku. I don't want to be remembered during my final days as a sick and dying person...

I want my heroes..

Kanye West next month. Muse Last month. What's in store for us in May? Can I have Radiohead please...?

2007 sure seems to be a good year for music fans. The top rapper in the world and the biggest rock band in the world (fuck you if you don't agree with me haha) coming to our shores a month apart. One does get the feeling that more is coming. I think so too. We Malaysians have for so long been ignored by these superstars in their tours. They seem to come to Singapore or Thailand and somehow Malaysia just failed to show up in their map. A good example is when Coldplay performed in Singapore recently. Coldplay man! Aiyoo Chris Martin sebelah je bang Malaysia ni. Naik motor pun bole sampai. I guess Coldplay just decided to give us Malaysians a cold shoulder...

Who can blame them? With our piracy being one of the highest in the world. (not bad for such a small and developing country eh?). These superstars probably thought they have little or no fanbase in our country. I don't think they would risk organising a huge concert in place they probably haven't even heard of inthe first place, to a small crowd of little girls. And, we Malaysians do have a reputation for being a boring lot. You see a lot of Malaysians at concerts, where during the performance they would just sit there motionless, humming to the tunes to themselves. Sometimes you can make out a faint smile on their faces. Yet, after the show is over when you ask them if they had any fun (scared that they're gonna scold you for taking them to the performance in the first place..) they would probably say that was the best show they have ever seen....i just don't understand it. You paid good money to the show, even if you got free tickets, try and have fun. Don't be so reserved. Leave your inhibitions at the door dude.

That is one common stereotype of Malaysians. But I can say things are changing. With the younger generations are bolder in expressing their passion for something. What I witness at the Muse concert changed my perceptions. The crowd that night was truly amazing. Loud and sporting, they clapped, sing, jumped, and they knew the words to evry song. Even the new songs. They moshed during the headbanging tunes, they pulled out the lighters for the slow numbers, they can feel the band's energy and it resonates in them. What more could an artiste want? With crowds like that even a shy person, or worse a non-fan could not help it but to get caught in the moment. I seriously hope Muse would consider coming here to perform again. The next I hope would be a full scale rock assault at Stadium Bukit Jalil, much like their upcoming gig at the new Wembley Stadium. A massive stadium concert capable of crowds of 80000. Are we ready for that? Hell Yeah! It's been long overdue. Even if Muse is not coming again, maybe can tell someone that 'hey you know Chris (Martin) we just performed at Kuala Lumpur the other day, and the crowd was fuckin great man. It was better than our gig at Singapore the previous. Heard you guys performed in S'pore a few months back, and you missed out on KL. Your lost man...' hehehe

I hope the scene is changing. We don't have a lot of supertsars coming here. When I say superstar I mean SUPERSTAR. Not Simple Plan. If you are into dance music however, the scene is different. For the past few years, many heroes of the dance scene, the legendary superstar DJs have graced our shores. Not just in clubs, the gigs have been done in many strange and exciting places. Genting highlands, Sepang F1 Circuit, Bukit Tinggi, Cyberjaya, Port Dickson, A'Famosa, Desa Waterpark. Subang Airport.KL Tower. These are outdoor DJ gigs, or raves as some would like to call it. In malaysia, the term 'rave' has been misused more often than not. Much like people who heard a trance song anf go 'ah! lagu tekno'. (fucking ignorants you annoy me). Now every party is a rave. But I would save these rants for another post another time... In the dance scene, we have had every top DJ from every dance genre performed here. From the legendary old timers, the reigning champion, and the exciting upcoming new names. Tiesto? Paul Van Dyk? Danny Tenaglia? Carl Cox anyone? How about Marco V, he's coming next week. Groove Armada? John Digweed? Ferry Corsten? How about Prodigy? I'm sure you've heard of Prodigy (x penah dgr ko mmg x cool la time skolah dulu). Many were not aware that Prodigy came here few years back. These are the biggest name in the dance scene. To make it easier for you, it is like if you like Britrock, it's like having Muse, Coldplay,Keane, Travis, Snow Patrol all perform here in the same year. Last year, we had PVD one month and Tiesto the next. That's like going to a Beatles concert and knowing The Rollings Stones are coming your way next month (if you live in the sixties anyway).

Ah my fingers are tired from all this typing. At this point I have forgotten what actually I intended to write about when i started this post...Okay last words. If you want your favourite artistes to come here, buy their original albums, seriously, show we support them and they will come.

Here are some of the artistes Ithat I hope would someday come and perform here. My wishlist:

1. Muse...again
2. Coldplay
3. James Blunt
4. Oasis
5. Jet
6. Rolling Stones
7. U2
8. Madonna
9. Christina Aguilera
10. Elton John
11. and of course the one and only Sir Paul McCartney

Peace out :)

Sometimes we need to get away from it all

Everyone has their own special place. To unwind. To straighten things out. To clear their thoughts. Be it in their own room, listening to emotional songs, everyone does that once in a while. That's why we need Coldplay. Some choose to take things out in a bar. Nothing like a shot of whiskey to down their sorrow. (disclaimer: not applicable to Muslims everywhere). Everyone has that moment of need, to be in all their own world.

Sometimes, being alone only makes it worse. They need the comfort from others. Family is the first thing that comes to mind. but unfortunately for some, being in close proximity with each other other does not necessarily means they are close emotionally. For that reason people have friends. Everyone needs friends. They are the shining stars that help us get through the night.

Once in a while they will think, enough! They need to get away from it all. They go vacations. For a few days, they can escape the routine of their tiring life. For a few days, they remember the feelings that for so long have eluded them. What it feels to be alive. Just for a few days, and they're back into reality.

Everyone has a favourite place to go. A regular mamak stall where old friends from school often meet up to catch up with each other. Reminiscing the nostalgia of happier days. They go to parties, they get wasted. Because it gives them a sense of freedom. People do drugs because the it takes them to a high place. A beautiful place where no one else can go. Where everything that is not, is there. A place of butterflies and hurricanes. (Disclaimer: don't do drugs). Everyone needs this feelings, a feeling that will suddenly make a smile curl on their lips. A fond kindling of memories that is shared only with those people at table in the mamak stall. The feeling of freedom that comes with substance abuse, that can make people think they can fly in their own world. They are similiar in the sense it gives them the feeling that they belong in a special place made only for them. Where no one else can enter.

I, too have a special place to go. It has butterflies in it too. Real ones. I don't go to this place by myself. I have my own crew of pirates to accompany me to my Never-neverland. Spontainity is what makes things wonderful. Planning, always sucks the fun out of it. No point planning with a bunch of pirates, as it will end up in total chaos anyway. (cue : janji melayu).

This place, a place of absolute serenity, of unparalleled beauty. Only the songs of the crickets accompany you. Soothe your ears with the gentle sounds that the leaves made when the wind touch them. A rushing sound of water greets you upon arrival. The mist that surrounds the rocks gives the place a mythical feel. Sometimes, the dry leaves will fall from above, and it feels like autumn.

Every trip holds a different story, a different memory, that makes it worthwile to go all over again. Everytime I go to this place, I always sing a song in my head, this song.....

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Can you take me to your special place?